Y’all Got any Gators?

I done there noticed ya got some gator trouble.  Them there gators are notorious for crashing weddin’s.  I see a big one got some of your there domestics too.  Well, Mr. Granger, I got the just the stuff to prevent any future gator attacks.  Ya see, if it’s one thing I know, it’s gators, and gators is one of the stupidest critters Gwad gave two eyes to.  I do declare that a fence post has got more sense.  Why dem environmentalists get all huffy about protecting them is beyond me.  All it takes is for a gator to bite ‘em in the rear, and they’d change their minds.  Personally,  I take every last one and turn ‘em into a suitcase or a pair boots.

Now ‘bout your problem, Mr. Granger, I tell you how we’d start:  Ya see, I got me a supply of homemade hand grenades that double as depth charges.  You’d be surprised at the size of the endangered stuff I’ve floated  with these babies.  (Makes a great swoosh sound in the water when they explode too).  Anyway, I digress.  We’d probably try to go around the perimeter of your place and drop a few in the nearby canal. Those gators hate the noise the bombs make.  I never seen me a gator swim so fast when those bombs go off.   If we can’t blow them gators up, then we just blast them into that great swamp in the sky.  I got me a nice .50 caliber Desert Eagle for gator blasting.  My oh my,  I could write a book about the things I’ve picked off with that baby.  Pa-Pow!

As it turns out, Mr. Granger, we’re having a blue ribbon special on my website.  You supply the Pabs Blue Ribbon and I’ll knock off a hundred buck from the total price.  I look forward to killing this gator for ya.  Check out my website for further details.  When you tell a friend, remember our motto:  “Whether it flies, crawls or swims, we can kill it.”

Yours truly,

Billy Bayou ,

Head Species Exterminator

Mr. Granger has gone to Billy’s website and was confused by the amount of items on the screen.  Help Billy make a better website.  Take into consideration the items we discussed in Chapter 14.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOISHc5TEYY

Date: September 18, 2010

To:   Mr. Shush, The Cleaning Dept.

From: Venton Hughes, CEO

Subject:  Hanna Simpson

Hanna Simpson has caused a stir in these offices the last few weeks.  She seems unhappy about our new RFID policy.  Normally, this would not be a problem; however, she has threatened to turn this policy into a media event.  Our shareholders are very nervous.  Because of their goodwill, this company received billions for this RFID policy. I have assured them that this project can maximize profits and productivity.  However, Ms. Simpson’s misunderstood ideas about RFID could hurt our public image, and, worse, prevent us from repaying our debts.

I attempted to assuage Simpson’s fears, but she stormed out of my office a few minutes ago.  Since we allow an open email policy, I checked her emails, and found out her real intentions.  She intends on blackmailing the company over this.  Unfortunately, a decent raise and executive benefits failed to pique Ms. Simpson’s interest.  As a matter of fact, I read that her little performance in my office was just that—an act.

For this reason, I call on you, Mr. Shush. You helped me forego the financial strains of my second divorce. (Brenda looked so peaceful when you finished; she was a feisty woman, but not so in the end).  And for the above reason, I ask you again for the same favor.  One of your  massive heart attacks should do nicely.

The usual amount has been transferred to your overseas account. I require immediate action.  Ms. Simpson has become a cancer on our potential, and like all malignant growths, she must be removed.  I regret having to do this for a second time.  But when you reach my age, you become very protective of your creature comforts.  To paraphrase Kenneth Lay, “You cannot turn a certain lifestyle off like a spigot.”  And I have grown accustomed to mine.

This prompt involves many ethical questions.  For this prompt, I ask you take one of the four roles: Mr. Shush, Hanna’s platonic friend, Jack, a janitorial person who finds this shredded memo in the trash, or Shelia, Hanna’s best friend who knows all about her real plans.  You can choose from two scenarios: (1) Venton carried out his plans and Hanna suffered a heart attack; (2) Venton’s plans were foiled and Hanna lives.  In your fictitious responses, you may adhere or topple the ethical considerations we have covered.  I will be seriously checking your blog responses for this one.  I will be very interested in seeing our responses.  Good luck!

It's Early in the Morning and I can't Think.

It's Early in the Morning and I can't Think.

Tim Watkins, The Employee Who Knew Too Much.

Danica@pharmocom.cso
Dear Danica,

Yo, my baby! My main squeeze! How’s it goin’ at work today? Well, you know what I always say, “The same old grind here, ya know?” I’m working from nine to five, writing all these dumb documents about this new bio-genetic experiment da company’s comin’ out with. I never thought we’d be movin’ into genetics since we’re a pharmaceutical company. But, hey, it’s new and exciting, right? You have any clue what they’re doing down in the company basement? Now, hold on, lemme tell you, ‘cuz I know you don’t sneak around like I do—he-he.( I’m such a spy! And this is huge!)

Sorry, babe, I have to move on to a new paragraph cuz this is just too much. I snuck into Pat’s office a few days ago—you know, our boss, who looks like Shrek—and I just happened to see a printed memo on his desk . Now, babe, when I said this was huge, I really meant it. Evidently, the egg-heads have found some sort of dimensional rift down in the basement. Actually, it’s been there for years, but it’s not until recently that something came through that rift, something unworldly, for lack of a better description. Well, the ol’ bald, bearded ogre has gotten the attention of Uncle Sam. I’m sure you noticed that there have been some soldiers moving in and out of here lately. And, turtle-toes, check this out: I was looking at the elevator panel, ya know, the part of the elevator that has all the buttons on it. Well, the button for the basement is gone. As a matter of fact, the panel is completely new. (Scary, huh? Don’t worry, you’ll be safe in my arms tonight, lamb chop.)

Anyways, I read in the memo that the basement levels can only be accessed by pushing the floor buttons in a certain sequence---6-6-6 to be exact. It’s fitting, cuz, according to the memo, the name of the project is Lucifer Alpha. This is so huge that I nearly spilt my coffee all over my crotch. They got something big, and nasty down there, and big daddy don’t want anyone to see it.

So, I was kind of wondering if you’d like to take a basement tour with me. Don’t worry, don’t worry. I got a way to sneak past the security post. I hacked into the company network and gave myself top clearance. That’s right, honey chow, they’re two big daddy’s running this big pill dispenser now. What if they see us you ask? Well, you know how cheap that shaved ape is. Around four am, the security computer is programmed to shut off. Why? Well, that fancy schmancy system sucks up a lot of juice, and big daddy doesn’t want to pay for twenty-four hour surveillance. The cameras all turn off at that time. So, we can sneak in and nobody will see that it is us. “What about the soldiers, you ask?” Well, babe, stick with me, and you’ll go places. One of the soldiers happens to be an old high school buddy of mine. We played football together. I saw him the coming out of the elevator the other day. Poor guy, had that, I’m following orders look on his face, when he came out. I said, “Hey, Teddy” (his name’s Theodore, but we always called him Teddy). We talked and I told him what I knew and he told what he knew. He didn’t know much because, in the basement, there’s a door that requires top access to get in, and he’s never been beyond that point. Well, guess who’s on guard duty tonight. That’s right good ol’ spiral throwing Teddy. And he agreed to risk getting a court-martial to see what was behind that door.
So, snookie, ya wanna be my date tonight?

Your half-n-half,

Tim Watkins

Team,
Suppose you were Tim’s supervisor and you saw this email he had written to Danica. First, explain what email blunders Tim has committed. What might be some of the risks of writing such a lengthy email? Think about the legal problems and net etiquette. After you have answered those two questions, decide what Tim’s fate would be? Possible scenarios: Does he get dragged to some deserted place and get shot by the US Military? Does his boss take legal action? Or….? (Due next Wednesday, September 8).