Y’all Got any Gators?

I done there noticed ya got some gator trouble.  Them there gators are notorious for crashing weddin’s.  I see a big one got some of your there domestics too.  Well, Mr. Granger, I got the just the stuff to prevent any future gator attacks.  Ya see, if it’s one thing I know, it’s gators, and gators is one of the stupidest critters Gwad gave two eyes to.  I do declare that a fence post has got more sense.  Why dem environmentalists get all huffy about protecting them is beyond me.  All it takes is for a gator to bite ‘em in the rear, and they’d change their minds.  Personally,  I take every last one and turn ‘em into a suitcase or a pair boots.

Now ‘bout your problem, Mr. Granger, I tell you how we’d start:  Ya see, I got me a supply of homemade hand grenades that double as depth charges.  You’d be surprised at the size of the endangered stuff I’ve floated  with these babies.  (Makes a great swoosh sound in the water when they explode too).  Anyway, I digress.  We’d probably try to go around the perimeter of your place and drop a few in the nearby canal. Those gators hate the noise the bombs make.  I never seen me a gator swim so fast when those bombs go off.   If we can’t blow them gators up, then we just blast them into that great swamp in the sky.  I got me a nice .50 caliber Desert Eagle for gator blasting.  My oh my,  I could write a book about the things I’ve picked off with that baby.  Pa-Pow!

As it turns out, Mr. Granger, we’re having a blue ribbon special on my website.  You supply the Pabs Blue Ribbon and I’ll knock off a hundred buck from the total price.  I look forward to killing this gator for ya.  Check out my website for further details.  When you tell a friend, remember our motto:  “Whether it flies, crawls or swims, we can kill it.”

Yours truly,

Billy Bayou ,

Head Species Exterminator

Mr. Granger has gone to Billy’s website and was confused by the amount of items on the screen.  Help Billy make a better website.  Take into consideration the items we discussed in Chapter 14.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOISHc5TEYY

Date: September 18, 2010

To:   Mr. Shush, The Cleaning Dept.

From: Venton Hughes, CEO

Subject:  Hanna Simpson

Hanna Simpson has caused a stir in these offices the last few weeks.  She seems unhappy about our new RFID policy.  Normally, this would not be a problem; however, she has threatened to turn this policy into a media event.  Our shareholders are very nervous.  Because of their goodwill, this company received billions for this RFID policy. I have assured them that this project can maximize profits and productivity.  However, Ms. Simpson’s misunderstood ideas about RFID could hurt our public image, and, worse, prevent us from repaying our debts.

I attempted to assuage Simpson’s fears, but she stormed out of my office a few minutes ago.  Since we allow an open email policy, I checked her emails, and found out her real intentions.  She intends on blackmailing the company over this.  Unfortunately, a decent raise and executive benefits failed to pique Ms. Simpson’s interest.  As a matter of fact, I read that her little performance in my office was just that—an act.

For this reason, I call on you, Mr. Shush. You helped me forego the financial strains of my second divorce. (Brenda looked so peaceful when you finished; she was a feisty woman, but not so in the end).  And for the above reason, I ask you again for the same favor.  One of your  massive heart attacks should do nicely.

The usual amount has been transferred to your overseas account. I require immediate action.  Ms. Simpson has become a cancer on our potential, and like all malignant growths, she must be removed.  I regret having to do this for a second time.  But when you reach my age, you become very protective of your creature comforts.  To paraphrase Kenneth Lay, “You cannot turn a certain lifestyle off like a spigot.”  And I have grown accustomed to mine.

This prompt involves many ethical questions.  For this prompt, I ask you take one of the four roles: Mr. Shush, Hanna’s platonic friend, Jack, a janitorial person who finds this shredded memo in the trash, or Shelia, Hanna’s best friend who knows all about her real plans.  You can choose from two scenarios: (1) Venton carried out his plans and Hanna suffered a heart attack; (2) Venton’s plans were foiled and Hanna lives.  In your fictitious responses, you may adhere or topple the ethical considerations we have covered.  I will be seriously checking your blog responses for this one.  I will be very interested in seeing our responses.  Good luck!

It's Early in the Morning and I can't Think.

It's Early in the Morning and I can't Think.